Learning Softening (Knowing vs Using)

Hello there! Let’s explore the concept of “Learning Softening (Knowing vs. Using)” in language, drawing upon our conversation and the provided sources. This idea helps us understand how to communicate effectively and impactfully, moving beyond just grammatical correctness.

At its core, “Learning Softening” highlights the crucial distinction between knowing something about language and knowing how to use what we know.

1. Knowing (Accuracy & Grammaticality) 🤔📝

This part refers to our internalised knowledge of a language’s rules and structures. It’s about achieving accuracy and grammaticality in our sentences.

• What we “know” includes:

  • Grammatical structures: The fundamental rules of the language.
  • Sounds, words, and sentences: The building blocks of communication.
  • Intricate details of sentences: Such as word classes, categories, and the composition of a predicate (including objects and adverbs).
  • Agreement and Tense: How subjects and verbs match in number and person, and how verbs indicate time.
  • Complex sentences: Understanding how sentences can be embedded within others (e.g., as objects of verbs).

• How we acquire this knowledge:

  • For children, this process is largely automatic and occurs subconsciously.
  • For adults (typically those learning after 15 years of age), it requires conscious effort and attention to structural patterns. We learn by understanding how the human mind processes these elements.

2. Using (Appropriateness & Impactfulness) ✨🗣️

This part is about applying our grammatical knowledge in real-world communication. The goal is to convey what we want to say “properly, adequately, and appropriately”. This leads to impactful communication.

• Key aspects of “Using”:
  • Contextual Awareness: Understanding to whom you are speaking and where you are speaking. This shapes how you phrase your message.
  • Appropriateness is Key: Even in informal situations, a touch of formality can make communication more impactful and respectful. This is about “formally looking informal” or achieving an “effortless” style through preparedness and consistency.
  • Softening Language: This involves choosing less direct and imposing ways to express requests, suggestions, opinions, or even refusals.
    • For Requests & Suggestions: Instead of direct commands (“Give me a glass of water”), one can use softer forms like:
      • “Could we meet at nine in the morning?”
      • “I was wondering if we could meet at nine in the morning.” (This is a more polite and less direct way to express curiosity).
      • Using modals like ‘may’ and ‘might’ for possibility and permission adds politeness, especially in formal settings. ‘May’ for permission implies a formal context or difference in social power, sometimes even a sense of surrender. ‘Can’ for permission is less formal and embeds a sense of ability.
      • Using ‘could’ for suggestions and ‘would’ for offers.
    • For Refusal (Saying “No”): It’s a skill to convey a negative response without explicitly saying “no”. For example, instead of “No, I cannot go for a cup of tea,” one might say, “I have a lot of stuff pending to take care of”. This conveys the same meaning without using a negative sentence.
    • For Expressing Opinion or Critique: Softening feedback to avoid devastating the listener. For instance, instead of “You have made a mistake in calculations,” one could say, “You seem to have missed a few things. May I suggest to revisit?”. Or “It appears to me that calculations do not add up. Could you please take a look at it again?”.
  • Discourse Markers: Using connectors and fillers (e.g., “well,” “you know,” “actually”) to enhance coherence and express mood/attitude.
  • Intonation, Tone, and Pitch: These “extra-linguistic factors” are crucial in conveying meaning, emotion, and emphasis, making speech impactful.

Why is this important? 🌟

• Communicative Confidence: Understanding both accuracy and appropriateness builds confidence in speaking and writing.
• Impactful Communication: It allows us to achieve our communicative goals effectively and leave a positive impression on others.
• Avoiding Misunderstandings: Using softening techniques helps prevent our message from being perceived as rude, arrogant, or overly direct.
• Near-Native Capacity: By paying attention to these nuances, learners can achieve a near-native capacity in their grammatical production and overall language use.

Practice Questions 📝

Now, let’s put this into practice, focusing on choosing the most appropriate modal verb for “softening” and “appropriateness.” For each sentence, decide whether ‘may’ (for more formal/certain possibility/permission), ‘might’ (for weaker/remote possibility), ‘can’ (for general ability/informal permission), or ‘could’ (for possibility, polite requests/suggestions) is the most appropriate choice to achieve the desired tone or meaning.

1. “Excuse me, sir, _______ I have a moment of your time?” (Very formal request) 🙏
2. “If we leave now, we _______ catch the early train.” (A good chance) 🚂
3. “I didn’t study at all, so I _______ fail the exam.” (Remote, uncertain possibility) 📉
4. “Don’t worry, your package _______ arrive by Friday, but it’s not guaranteed.” (Polite acknowledgment of uncertainty) 📦
5. “I’m feeling a bit unwell, so I _______ not come to the party tonight.” (Weak possibility of not attending) 🤒
6. “This old car is unreliable; it _______ break down any time.” (General possibility due to characteristic) 🚗
7. “I was thinking we _______ try that new Italian restaurant for dinner. It looks good.” (Suggestion) 🍝

Solutions ✅

1. “Excuse me, sir, may I have a moment of your time?” 🙏

   • Explanation: ‘May’ is the most appropriate here because it’s a very formal request for permission, respecting a potential hierarchy or professional setting.

2. “If we leave now, we may catch the early train.” 🚂

   • Explanation: ‘May’ indicates a reasonable possibility with a good chance of occurrence. ‘Could’ would also work, but ‘may’ implies a slightly higher likelihood or a more direct statement of possibility in this context.

3. “I didn’t study at all, so I might fail the exam.” 📉

   • Explanation: ‘Might’ is used to express a weaker or more remote possibility, leaning towards uncertainty, which fits the scenario of not studying.

4. “Don’t worry, your package may arrive by Friday, but it’s not guaranteed.” 📦

   • Explanation: ‘May’ is used here to politely acknowledge a possibility, even if there’s some uncertainty. It’s a formal or considerate way of informing.

5. “I’m feeling a bit unwell, so I might not come to the party tonight.” 🤒

   • Explanation: ‘Might’ conveys a weaker or more tentative possibility of not attending, suitable for personal uncertainty.

6. “This old car is unreliable; it can break down any time.” 🚗

   • Explanation: ‘Can’ is appropriate here to describe a general possibility or characteristic of the car – it possesses the ability to break down. While ‘may’ or ‘might’ could indicate a single possible event, ‘can’ fits the inherent unreliability.

7. “I was thinking we could try that new Italian restaurant for dinner. It looks good.” 🍝

   • Explanation: ‘Could’ is specifically recommended for making suggestions in a polite manner.